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the mental vacuum

You leave a group of people and even though you were surrounded you’ve never felt more isolated

it’s stupid a stupid cliche, but it's true

You feel misunderstood but what can you do. They don't particularly want to understand you.

They loathe you but not for any reason tangible enough to take ink to a page, the “stick a pin in it” kinda judgements, subconscious pins stuck in your helpless voodoo doll

It eats away at you enough for you to dismiss the pain while still slowly destroying you. slow and steady wins the race, doesn't it.

you get in the car, turn on a sad song, you know all the words by now, a little embarrassing, and it’s like the world melts

All you can hear is the static from a vacuum running running running, drowning out all the demons, weird how the humming has become comfortable.

you turn up the music. it can't go high enough to drown out the noise.

I had never realized maybe all the sad people turn the music up so high because they are so tired of hearing their own demons berate them.

On the brighter side, if you are just sad then what can it do. If you stay in this place where does it all have to take you to. The simulation rolls forward as your left in the dust

somehow as the vacuum sucks the life out of you it is sucking the heaviness out of everyone around you. light. you’ve forgotten what it feels like to be light bc you have become the vacuum taking the dust off of their shoulders

it’s heavy

but what are you supposed to do

you’re stuck in the simulation and everyone knows the rules

but you.

look for the book?

or make your own?

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