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It's almost like I'm in a pit of anxiety and I don't know if this new self is the self that I am or if it's keeping me from being what I actually am
and I keep hoping that I'll hit this rock bottom moment and it'll be the one that I'll look back on in videos a year from now and say wow I was really at rock bottom then but right now it feels like every moment I think is rock bottom is just scratching the surface and it doesn't really seem like I'm going up, it just seems like I'm going down and every once in a while going up just enough to remember what it felt like again and then it's gone.